My heart is guarded. A wall has been built.
The bridge has broken. The doors are short tight.
I have an army ready to attack.
Yeah, I want something meaningful, but my defense pushes people away.
I’m scared to let love in, because I am terrified that it will leave me again and leave me hurting.
I want to tear down my defenses but my mind kept reminding me the reason it was put up in the first place.
I want something beyond explanation, but sometimes when I find it, it rejects me. Whereas, making the wall thicker. The more the pain the thicker the wall, that is how the game works
I hope to find someone to take away the pain. I hope meeting them will smooth my soul. But for now all I have is me, the willingness for change and the ability to make a change and that is okay.
oliscosunset 
3 replies on “How long will I feel like this?”
I like how you ended this on a positive note about your willingness and ability to change. I found that I had to love myself and become emotionally healthier (not perfect) before I was ready for a healthy relationship with the love of my life. I put my energy into the constants of my life that had always been there for me – the things I loved – art, nature, music, family and a few good friends. I was afraid to love again, so I gave my pain to God, who would never leave me, and became willing to heal. It was a process that took time, but it was worth the effort. I wish you the best.
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Thanks dear. I highly appreciated this your words are like gold and I will cherish it.
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Wonderful!
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